had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
