he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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