You smell like stripper and shame
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
