Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize