my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
