In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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