So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
