She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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