if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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