I must be too annoying 4 u.
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
