this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I am midnight drunk by noon
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
