there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
