I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
