she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
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