who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
