I think my fart just growled at me.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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