i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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