You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
