know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
