Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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