We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
