Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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