you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
