I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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