i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
