I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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