youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
