He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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