Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
