I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
