I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
