Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
