Will you blow on my dice?
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
