so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
