Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
