Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
