proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
