God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize