yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize