I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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