Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
