I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Help. Why am I so naked?
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