I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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