so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
