just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
