So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
