it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
