im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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