it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
