I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
