SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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