Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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