I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
