He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
