she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
