I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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