Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We don't watch enough power rangers
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
