Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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