So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
